So, a gift. Many things can be considered as a gift from God. A gift is something that makes people happy, it's something good, usually. But, you see, I just realized, it's actually from different point of views. For someone quiet, a book is good, it's a gift. If you give them a skateboard, they wouldn't know what to do with it. For someone who doesn't like a coffee, a coffee maker isn't a gift to them, it's just a something. It doesn't mean much to them. A gift is usually something meaningful to the person. I've heard all kinds of gifts before, happiness, love, faith, etc. etc. but for someone who has already lost faith in love in their previous relationship and would have nightmares about their boyfriend cheating on them and you give them love again, what would it be? Would the person fall in love all over again? or back off and cry thinking about letting go?
It's a mystery, it's all a mystery. There are so many question going through my head right now that I have no answers to. When I was young, I used to think that I wouldn't want to have kids. I think they are a pain. Why don't i just enjoy life myself? But everyone's human, we'll eventually want to fall in love, get married and have a family of our own. I would think of my kids now. Like what their names could be, how many kids, how to raise them, their environment. The way I was raised was very traditional, it involves caning, scolding and fights. People say babies are the best gifts anyone could ask for. It's a gift from God, it is to be treasured and loved in the right way. I'm treasured and I know that, I know my mom loves me. She gives me the best she could. When I get so much attention, I get jealous easily. It's selfish but I can't help it.
My cousin's wife gave birth to a baby 6 months ago. It's a girl. I'm a little jealous in a way. The presence of the baby makes me sad, all the attention goes to her, even my dad that doesn't like babies. My mom keeps saying how pretty the baby is, how smart she will be and how i should help to make the best of the bests. The feeling sucks pretty badly. Its like helping some other parent raise their kid into a better person. NO, i will not try my best to do that. i sound really selfish now but when it comes to you, maybe you'll realize my point here. That baby is not even her real granddaughter. How much more can she love my child? Can't she leave her love to her real granddaughter? I'm the youngest among all my cousins. By the time it's my turn, I think my mom is already tired of loving babies, it will already become a daily routine, some kind of habit to ang gu gu babies.
It makes me think a lot. What if my children are not as beautiful as my cousins' children? What if mine's not as smart? I don't mean it but, what if, my mom doesn't have to chance to love her own grandchildren? I'll be so jealous. Why don't mine get your love and they do? Will you compare my children to others' children like how you compare me now? I'm sorry but it's not my turn yet so I don't know. 'cos all i see now is you're treating other people like your children and your child is not getting any attention. I don't have a choice to pick how i want my kids to be, but no matter what, i'll love them like their the most precious thing in the world. I don't hope for anyone to compare these gifts. That gift have made me sad so I'm not sure if it's a gift to me. It has brought me sorrow and loneliness. So, for me, that baby is not a gift.
Another thing about gifts that I don't really like about is, if there were 2 gifts for you, but you can only take one home, you wouldn't know which to choose. Both gifts, full of surprises in 2 different ways. You wouldn't know which one will be the right one that you can keep forever. Maybe halfway you will get tired of one of them and regret that you didn't choose the other gift. It's a pain. So, is it a gift or not? i don't know. Let's leave it to God, shall we? Miracles could happen. Fate and destiny wins it all. One day, it'll all happen and we'll know. It's about time i get back to my accounts now, so, all the best in life ;)
much love,
SM
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