you, let me remind you of something. remember your first year of school here? remember how we actually knew each other? no. honestly, i don't. and i still don't and i don't ever wish i do. why? because i didn't have any means or any reason when i wanted to know you. i just wanted to be your friend. that's all. how complicated could that be? it was something so natural, us becoming friends. we didn't think much. :)
years passed, puberty hit, mood swings, different thoughts, girls, boys, teenagers. life became complicated. our lives grew further and further apart. but one thing, i never thought in a million years that we would become what we are today. i want to good again, i want you to see me, i'm not invisible, i don't want to be somebody in your life that you just layan. i don't mind having you in my life, as long as you put in a little effort and i put in a little, it's alright. things have been alright once, then i didn't know what happened after that. i want us to be what we were before, i know it's hard to become like the past, but at least, stop what's happening now. i didn't know when all this started to happen. do you really think of me that way?
i don't want to care what you think of me anymore, i can forget whatever shit at happened in the past, but i need you to know what i think of you. i think you are better than me in almost every way. i'm not jealous, i'm fine with it, i'm happy to have a friend that's that good. you're smart, you get good results without really..umm..becoming like what i am, all torn and down after exam. you get what you want. you want it, you get it. your stamina for sports is better than mine. i used to compare myself a lot to you because our parents are friends but i don't dislike you. i don't treat you coldly. i still treat you the way i do but i just take you as my motivation, you should be proud of that. you can sing, i like that :) remember when we did that talent time in form 2? yeah..good old times :') you wanted to be a prefect, you did :) you were also good at socializing. you knew almost everybody in school, i can't even remember their names, haha. you got prettier and prettier every year, too. i guess that's obvious enough with all those compliments :)
that's about it that i can think of, but there's definitely more. i don't care if you talk about me behind my back to my friends or what. let's forget about it, but there's a problem we need to solve and i believe i owe an explanation. i know you were good good friends with them (oh you know who i'm talking about) and you still can, if you want to. i hope i did not do anything that hurt you but i was just making some friends. the same way how i became friends with you. like kids. i didn't be friends with you because i wanted your lollipop nor i made friends with them because i needed the advantage(i don't know what advantage) they would give me. i went out with them often because i'm a naughty type of person, you know that. i like to go out and play. i can go out and they can fetch me. it's a win win situation so why not. then our friendship got closer and they started to ask me out more often. nothing much more than that. did you recall back all those memories you've got with me for the past 11 years? do you really want to let 7 people ruin it? i'm not trying to be nice now to get you to change the way you think of me. it's just i did not know what i did to make you feel that way of me. what people think of me really matters a lot to me. i have no siblings, all i have are friends.
i hope you understand me, and i know you hope i will understand you, too. but if you're kind enough to hold your hand out and let us hold, we'll be there. who said we left? who said i left? left for what? for that pack of people? having 7 extra friends doesn't mean i can't keep the good friends i have now. there isn't a limit. there isn't a limit for you, too, right? it's your choice. i hope one day, we could come out for lunch or a movie and we can sit down peacefully in a coffee shop talking about our silly times back then. well, you can also tell me what i did that made you feel this way about me..not forcing, but you could. hehe. i need to know, i think i deserve to know. i can't change into someone you don't have those feeling about without knowing my mistakes. one of my close friends and i make a good example. we put up a good fight on twitter a coupke of months ago, she told me what she didn't like about me and i told her what i didn't like about her and we kind of reduced those things by like A LOT, and now our friendship is going to somewhere real good. maybe we could try that. call me, old friend? :)
familiar?
much love,
SM.
mood: 
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